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‘Batteries Not Included (Brain Sold Separately)’ EP Arrives Via No Static Automatic

No Static Automatic is proud to announce the new EP from UK Electro legend Phil Klein under his Mental Note alias. Titled “Batteries Not Included (Brain Sold Separately),” this release marks the dynamic follow-up to the acclaimed 2020 debut “Voices In My Head (Noises In My Pants).”

Few authentic Electro producers from the UK can wear the badge ‘legend’ with the same level of justification as Phil Klein, aka Bass Junkie. Active since the late 80s, Klein has tirelessly shaped his distinct vision of Electro, both as a solo artist and through storied collaborations with icons like Dynamix II, Keith Tenniswood (Radioactiveman), and Si Brown (Dexorcist). As a DJ, remixer, live act, and the driving force behind the seminal Battle Trax label, his influence is woven into the fabric of the genre.

With essential releases on labels including DMX Krew’s Breakin’ Records, Andrea Parker’s Touchin’ Bass, and Billy Nasty’s Elektrix, the Bass Junkie sound seamlessly bridges the old-school beats of Electro’s origins with a potent, borderline-industrial edge. As noted by Andy Barton of Bass Agenda: “From funky to ferocious, Bass Junkie’s discography is a must-have for anyone claiming passion for the genre – influential, individual, and infectious with every beat.”

Now, as Mental Note, Klein continues his exploration of electronic psychedelia. The new EP, “Batteries Not Included (Brain Sold Separately),” is a four-track expedition through the Electro cosmos:

“Brainwash” immerses the listener in swirling, hypnotic synths.
“They're Not Blue, They’re Purple” delivers a masterclass in crunchy, textured drums.
“Primordial Soup” showcases frantic, intricate programming.
“Kluster Funk” offers a moment of deep, sonic relief and groove.

Each track reinforces Mental Note’s signature: a journey that is cerebral, raw, and irresistibly rhythmic.


About Bass Junkie/Mental Note:
Phil Klein, operating primarily under the alias Bass Junkie, is a cornerstone of the UK Electro scene. For over three decades, his work has defined and evolved the sound, earning him a revered status among peers and purists. His Mental Note project is a focused outlet for a deeper, more experimental strand of his production genius, further solidifying his legacy as an electronic music innovator.

First published in 1978 by Cetra, in this work Antonio Infantino continues to express his ritualistic and shamanic relationship with the musical traditions of Southern Italy. The recordings focus on the mystery of death and the sacraments, the light of the spirit and the divine that descends and conquers souls. The phenomenon of Tarantism is still strong, the power of dance as a symbol of transformation and revolt, a therapeutic process of final healing. Folk music celebrates a deep sense of community, the memory of a peasant world that no longer exists but is still alive in the collective memory. Behind the tight and insistent rhythm of the percussion, the voices of the people, the colours of the squares and the scratchy string arrangements always emerge. The magical sound of the bagpipes is lost in the alleys of the villages. Infantino sings of minor cultures, the poor and oppressed classes, who share joys and sorrows, dance and music as secular forms of liberation.

Another Country is the fifth full-length album by Cindy, the San Francisco-based group built around the songwriting of Karina Gill. Recorded, like all of its predecessors, in their hometown and with a consistent line-up held over from their previous record (the Swan Lake EP from 2024), it is replete with the poetry of private vistas, eavesdropped dramas and confusing winds. These are classic Cindy concerns, and yet, as always, contain new mystery and charm to somehow feel like quiet revelations each time. Another Country is both opaque in its intentions and specific in its presentation, and as such presents the kind of truth that keeps the listener on the search for answers just out of reach.
"The title of this record, Another Country, refers to the James Baldwin novel of that name. The book has a kind of drama that makes sense to me. When I look around, the obvious explanations are not enough. The miasma of feelings and ideas that is supposed to account for it all, doesn't. Baldwin washes past that to longings that begin to explain. Cindy songs come out of the x-rays my particular brain makes out of what I see and experience. What you hear on this record is the result of collaboration with the members of Cindy that transforms that shadowy thing into full color, fully fleshed. Each of them, in music, is sure-footed and unblinking, and making this record together felt like, yes, yes, you see what I mean."
Cindy is Karina, Staizsh, Will & Oli. Another Country will be released on 1st May 2026 via Tough Love.

Kaash Paige’s 2 LATE TO BE TOXIC is a R&B heartbreak story told in real-time. The focus track, “What Happened 2 Us,” is a raw and hazy reflection on broken love, written from the wreckage of what once was. With her signature slow-burn cadence and a voice full of ache, Kaash peels back the ego and lets the pain speak. This track marks a shift into deeper, darker R&B while fans flock to her digital diaries and hotline for catharsis. The album closes the chapter that KAASHMYCHECKS cracked open.

“Arde” is the creative peak of the Madrid-based experimental collective: 14 cinematic, hypnotic, and emotionally devastating songs that masterfully blend post-rock atmospheres, alt-folk introspection, traditional Spanish elements, and complex, often cathartic arrangements.
The album's UK connection is through Stuart David (Looper, Belle & Sebastian), who championed the band to Sub Pop, leading to their international breakthrough. On Metacritic, it holds a 77/100 score based on 6 reviews, with AllMusic praising its "spectacular balance of beauty and tension”. CMJ New Music Monthly highlighted it as "one of the brightest artistic lights in the diverse Iberian indie-pop scene".
Pitchfork awarded it a 9.3/10 in 2001—the highest score for any Spanish artist to date—describing it as “nothing short of elemental in its beauty”. The album also succeeded in France (PopLane, 2001), with strong coverage in Les Inrockuptibles, Magic!, Le Monde, and Libération. Migala shared stages with key acts like Smog (Bill Callahan), Mark Kozelek (Red House Painters), The Magnetic Fields, Damon & Naomi, and served as Will Oldham’s (Bonnie “Prince” Billy/Palace) backing band during his Spanish tour in 1998.
This new edition has been painstakingly remastered from the original Cubase projects (summer/fall 2000). Every track was exported individually and given a fresh, zero-compromise mastering. The result is a significantly clearer, more open, defined, and powerful sound — especially in the rhythmic foundation — while fully preserving the warm, organic lo-fi character of the original. An absolute must-have for indie, post-rock, alt-folk, and collector sections — a genuine classic that belongs in every serious record store and deserves rediscovery.

CrackedanklesRecords are proud to present Polypores “Wrigglers” - the latest emergence from Stephen James Buckley’s strange and overgrown brainforest, an artist who has seen recent albums crack the national top 40 charts.From the opening bars of lead single ‘Memespawn’, it is clear that this incendiary release is going to defy all precedent Polypores releases. Kicking off with a heady mix of woozy, slewed melody lines and a relentless Motorik beat, it soon breaks down into a gritty instrumental redux and a frenetic syncopated woodwind jazzathon before bursting out again into spine-tingling melody that resembles some deformed cousin of synth-pop. It’s beautifully melodic, whilst still maintaining Buckley’s trademark sense of the chaotic and the downright wonky. Endlessly listenable electronic music that breathes and moves like a physical organism, and always refuses to stand still. A restless misfit of an artist who inhabits the fringes of whatever scenes he inhabits, Buckley maintains a certain crackling unease throughout the whole thing, but it results in jubilant outbursts and freewheeling joy, tethered only by the mechanical constraints of the machines it’s wrought from, like some broken robots have cobbled together an orchestra and they’re writing a soundtrack for a film they haven’t seen.

For the first time, this landmark album of ritualistic dark folk and shamanic soundscapes is pressed into Double LP, and the result is a breathtaking artifact that transcends the boundary between music and mysticism. Presented in a deluxe edition LP with a lavish 30x30 insert, brought to life by Rune Serpent Europa, this release is a kind of talisman. The packaging itself feels like a gateway: ornate, otherworldly, and perfectly attuned to the spirit of Havamal , where Nordic tradition, animistic ritual, and primal sound converge in a timeless invocation. Spinning Havamal on vinyl unleashes the full incantatory power of NYTT LAND 's music. The analog warmth deepens the resonance of the throat-sung mantras and the droning instrumentation, pulling the listener into a world that is equal parts ancient ritual, frozen landscape, and whispered prophecy.

Every track becomes a rune carved in sound, vibrating with hidden meaning, echoing the eternal cycles of life, death, and rebirth. There is a romance in this edition that goes beyond mere presentation. The act of lowering the needle becomes an invocation, a summoning of ancestral voices and forgotten gods. The record itself feels alive, as though the spirits of the sagas reside within its grooves. Each listen is a ritual, each flip of the vinyl a turning of the cosmic wheel. With Havamal now available on LP, collectors and devotees of dark folk finally hold in their hands a relic worthy of the album's mythic aura. This is music to be inhabited, to be carried into dreams and into shadows, to be used as a key that unlocks the hidden chambers of the soul. A triumph of art, craft, and spirit, this vinyl edition is destined to become a coveted treasure.

Sem is the first album by Victor Negri under his own name, after a decade making music as Arubu Avua. Released via Stray Signals (Berlin) in partnership with Mutum (Portugal/Brazil), the album was composed between late 2023 and early 2025 during a prolonged period of compounded grief and relocation, and is built upon layers of guitar in irregular loops, alongside samples, experimental electronics, and field recordings.

Begun in Lisbon and finished in Campinas, Brazil, Sem (meaning “without”) deals with loss by juxtaposing new material with unfinished recordings from previous years. As the process unfolded, catharsis emerged as much through editing as through raw expression. The album became a symbolic attempt to glue together fragments and memories from a world that ceased to exist, in order to move forward.

Across its eight tracks, some pieces gradually unfold while others crumble or explode into distortion and feedback, while some seem almost suspended, as if unsure of the next steps. There is a loose trajectory from disorientation and collapse (“Voçoroca”) through astonished frustration (“Não”) and numb acceptance (“Obrigado”), toward a fragile optimism on the closing tracks “Os cacos” and “Boa continuação.” Negri’s first fully instrumental album, Sem contains no vocals at all. That absence emerged gradually after fruitless attempts at songwriting during the period; overwhelm and speechlessness ultimately prevailed. The result leaves room for ambiguity, wandering, and the unfamiliar.

Victor Negri is a Brazilian musician and songwriter. Previously known as Arubu Avua, he makes music framed by noise, feedback, irregular loops, and field recordings.

With Diving Inward, the first release under the alias Dziad, Aleksander Filipiak melds the frigid indifference of synthesised textures with exploratory re-imaginations of his first instrument as an industrial buzz saw of unpredictable metallic fluctuations. The sonic landscape is a tribute to a multiplicity of (once) cutting edge, experimental techniques from the golden age of electroacoustic composition, combined with the composer’s enduring love for organic and unpredictable textures, transportive folk motifs and hypnotic pads.

Recorded in the winter 2022, this amalgam of the tangible and imaginary, shudders and re-lives a sombre season of isolation and loneliness. The pieces stand as an ode to the optimistic acts of play and creativity; an antidote to a reality which, at times, feels tolerable at its best. With this release, Filipiak encapsulates emotions that are overdue to be left behind. Shelve them for another day.

In this context Jeroen Swinnen and David Martijn needed to find a musical concept to go hand in hand with the story. They opted for a string quartet and an arsenal of old analogue synths (of the series’ era). Thé perfect match as it turned out. Emphasize the beauty, hope and respect on one hand. Translate the elusive, unjust feeling that is addressed in the series on the other. Apart from these 2 central instruments, an old muted upright piano, played by Jeroen, and a guitar, played by David, were also used to express emotion even more.

Rosita is a cheerful, well-liked woman with a fiery desire to have children. Those around her find it irresponsible because she can barely take care of herself. When Rosita does manage to become pregnant, she chooses to keep her pregnancy a secret.

David Martijn, guitarist and synth player in the electro-rock band GOOSE, wrote the music for the full-length album 'Holy Rosita'. His experience as a composer for projects such as 'De Dag', 'War of the Worlds', 'De Twaalf', and '1985' contributed to Martijn's desire to challenge himself again to come up with a fresh, distinctive sound, as he does with every project.

"My initial feeling was that I would have to step far out of my comfort zone to let the music tell this delicate story. I soon felt that the music needed to be light and open, in contrast to the uncertain and complex reality in which Rosita finds herself. Therefore, it seemed like a good plan to keep the score very close to Rosita and much less focused on her surroundings or reality. The music had to be, as it were, a reflection of the thoughts and feelings playing out in Rosita's mind. That is often hopeful, determined, lively, sometimes a bit naive, and at other times very lonely, sad, and uncertain." - David Martijn

The second season of the funny and heartfelt fiction series by Flo Van Deuren and Kato De Boeck takes us along as Bibi and Ama move on to the next chapter of their lives and into their new, unexpected home: an old daycare building. With school no longer providing structure and their wallets running on empty, they dive headfirst into adulthood.

This results in eight new episodes that, like the main characters, have grown up, yet remain just as hilarious and moving as ever.

With the second season of Roomies, the show’s award-winning music makes its return. This time with a powerful soundtrack featuring Eefje de Visser, Ategha (Ahlaam Teghadouini) & Mickael Karkousse (Goose), Maria Iskariot, and Porcelain ID.

“(Tijdbom) Tikkend” is a dark, electronic track that feels like a constant run: sometimes away from the other, sometimes right toward them. It captures the feeling of running out of time, losing each other, and wanting to reconnect. That push-and-pull dynamic felt like a perfect fit for Roomies, where relationships, drama, and fun are always intertwined. - Eefje de Visser

“Whatever Happens” came together in a very organic way, and you can hear that in the track. Raw, genuine, and effortless. What’s unique is that we hadn’t even met until a few days before. Ahlaam walked into the studio and said, “I’ve prepared something.” That opening line alone was fantastic and immediately showed confidence and courage. “Perfect,” I thought. Then we turned the volume up to maximum, and I listened as Ahlaam sang right by my ear. Instant goosebumps! - Mickael Karkousse

""Neverland", the fourteenth studio album by ULVER is the sound of an escape. A journey into undiscovered lands.

Following three albums – "The Assassination of Julius Caesar" (2017), "Flowers of Evil" (2020), and "Liminal Animals" (2024) – rooted in more traditional song and production structures, "Neverland" marks a new chapter in the revered Oslo band's history.

"With 'Neverland' we embraced a more 'punk' spirit – more dreaming, less discipline – freer, quite simply", the band comments on the creative process behind the album.

Bursts of daybreak synths and whooshes of sound set the atmosphere, before the wolves start digging into the dynamics of ambient calm and anarchic mysticism. Dreamy and transportive textures develop into trippy percussive energies, and as the album unfolds, a lush and vibrant, and at times exotic space opens.

Apart from a few recurring distant voices and vocal chops, "Neverland" is a largely instrumental record, reminiscent of the mood and structure of that place where late '90s IDM sounds met the meandering structures of post-rock.

The ghost of premillennial sample culture surely haunts "Neverland", and some might even hear echoes from earlier acclaimed works like "Perdition City" (2000), or the "Silence" EPs (2001), or more recently "ATGCLVLSSCAP" (2016).

Still, "Neverland" sounds and feels like something else, something fresh in ULVER's continuous journey of perennial reinvention. Pop music from in-between worlds? A sonic hallucination? Or better: a collage of dreams. It's up to you."

Mit seinem neuen Doppel-Album "Baroque Colours" präsentiert Martin Stadtfeld eine einzigartige Palette farbenreicher Werke des Barocks. Und das in einer ganz besonderen Form: Für den ersten Teil wählte er 19 wunderbare kleine Originalstücke aus, u.a. von Bach, Rameau oder Händel, aber auch von weniger bekannten Komponisten wie Johann Kuhnau oder Joseph-Nicolas-Pancrace Royer. Für den zweiten Teil hat Stadtfeld einige seiner Lieblingstücke des Barocks ausgewählt und für Klavier neu bearbeitet. So gibt es aus Vivaldis berühmten "Vier Jahreszeiten" die mitreißenden Melodien aus dem "Sommer" und dem "Winter" neu zu erleben - als kurze, wunderbar klingende Piano-Stücke. Oder den berühmten "Kanon" von Johann Pachelbel in einer neuen Fassung für Klavier zu vier Händen, die Martin Stadtfeld mit der Pianistin Lilian Akopova eingespielt hat. Diese ist auch seine Partnerin bei den vierhändigen Fassungen des ersten Präludiums von Bach sowie der "Passacaglia" aus Lullys Oper "Armida". Ein Erlebnis sind auch die Klavierfassungen von Purcells Musik aus der Oper "Fairy Queen". Nahezu meditativ klingen Stadtfelds Improvisationen über Themen von Bach (u.a. das berühmte "Air" und "Menuett"), über Werke von Arcangelo Corelli sowie über das Kirchenlied "Ach bleib mit Deiner Gnade". Aufgenommen wurden die insgesamt 45 Stücke mit einem modernen Steinway mit einem sehr nahen und warmen Klangbild, so dass sich die Farbenpracht und Intensität unmittelbar auf den Hörer überträgt. Es ist, als ob man vor einem farbenreichen barocken Gemälde stehen würde und dabei immer neue Farben entdeckt.

Certain paths necessitate and call for one singular long sequence in order to arrive at a fully formed conversation or reasoning. Nothing seems to broadcast it more clearly than the trajectory Brussels based Italo-Vietnamese artist Nguyễn Zen Mỹ embarked on during the last decade as Radio Hito.

After a string of highly cherished and sought out tape releases, Radio Hito’s new album ‘L’uso e gli attributi del cuore’, co-released by Maple Death & Meakusma, unfolds with devastating
clarity, a profound balance of depth, minimalism and emotional grounding. A ten-sequence song cycle for voice and MIDI soundfonts adapted from the 2021 book by French poet Claude
Royet-Journoud.

Written and recorded between January 2023 and August 2025, the cycle evolved through nearly 80 live performances from Galicia to Kazakhstan before arriving at its recorded form. Set to an Italian libretto adapted from Royet-Journoud’s text ‘L'usage et les attributs du cœur’ (POL, 2021), the work revisits the tradition of the 19th-century Lied — art song built on existing poetry— transposed into a radically economical contemporary setting: voice and Casio CTK workstations.

"I was interested by this incompleteness CRJ mentions - by the ‘suspension’ of meaning questioning readability and intelligibility. I ‘resisted’ to CRJ’s texts since I met him and got to know his work. … It seems to me that when playing the songs, I submit an object to be completed by the audience."

Radio Hito’s distinctive approach to setting poetry to music — spare arrangements, strophic repetition, and a voice suspended between recital, fm transmission and canzone — creates a language of its own, reaching new heights on ‘L’uso e gli attributi del cuore’, songs that are formally rigorous, emotionally restrained, and shaped by the discipline of sustained live performance, interlocking into a coherent cycle.

Rather than illustrating the poem, Radio Hito approaches it as a space of suspension. Royet-Journoud described poetry as a “profession of ignorance” where meaning remains incomplete; these songs extend that trembling state, allowing repetition, digital timbre, and restraint to hold the text open.

Often misread as minimal synth or romantic chanson, Radio Hito’s practice is rooted instead in the lineage of the art song and song cycle: open structures, close attention to language, and a live performance economy that pushes the voice at the heart of the stage. The choice of accessible keyboard workstations — light, portable, and embedded in contemporary popular culture — replaces the historical piano.

Radio Hito creates fantastical, mirage-like songs, intimate yet elusive. Her music is forlorn chanson for the digital age; bringing her haunting and beautiful vocalisations into conversation with MIDI soundfonts and humble-yet-deep casio compositions. Music that strides for simplicity, yet lands miraculously within an entire new universe, a uniqueness achieved from like-minded spirits such as Ghedalia Tazartès, Savina Yannatou & Lena Platonos, Dorothy Carter, cycles that trickle down into estuaries.

“Radio Hito's set is superb. Sitting on the altar steps with a synth, her fabulously expressive vocals colour sparse, pensive compositions.” The Wire

Music From Memory presents 'Spacious Heart', the debut solo album from Los Angeles-based musician Anthony Calonico. Known for his work as part of the trio Total Blue, Calonico steps forward here with a collection of songs and instrumentals that invite the listener into his lush, expansive yet intimate world.

Written and recorded gradually between 2020 and 2024, 'Spacious Heart' emerged through a slow and open process, allowing the music to develop without rigid expectations. The album’s sonic landscape sits in a somewhat similar zone to Total Blue, with warm keys, synthesizers and rich production creating spacious environments where melodies and textures unfold naturally. Drawing together influences that move fluidly between spiritual jazz, synthesizer-driven explorations and ambient textures, the record balances harmonic richness with a gentle sense of openness. Where it diverges from Total Blue is through the presence of Calonico’s voice, the emotional anchor of the record. Smooth, luminous and quietly expressive, his singing carries a sense of earnestness and vulnerability while remaining delicately restrained.

‘Spacious Heart’ unfolds as a gentle conversation between song and atmosphere, where vocal pieces drift in and out of focus, intimate and reflective. The surrounding instrumentals open up space for these emotions to breathe, settle and expand, creating a quiet, reflective world where feeling, texture and restraint move softly together.

Sleeve art and design by Michael Willis.

Twenty Years Ago, Jan Jelinek's Debut Album Personal Rockwas Released By Source Records. Under The Pseudonym Gramm, It Brings Togethereight Tracks That Have Not Been Available On Vinyl Since Their Original Release.faitiche Is Very Glad To Announce The Re-release Of The Album: Personal Rockwill Appear As A Double Lp Featuring The Original Cover Artwork. What People Wrote About Personal Rock Two Decades Ago: "situated Somewhere Between Jelinek's Much Loved Loop-findingjazz Records, Farben, Move D's Conjoint Project And Atom Heart's Most Immersivework For Rather Interesting, It's A Late Night Album Full Of Subtle Productiontricks And Melodic House Structures That Belong To The Pre-millennial Idmheyday, But Which Transcend Its Overly-masculine Templates." (boomkat) "a Serene Little Masterpiece" (de:bug) "though Many Producers Have Pushed Forward Theclicks-and-cuts Style Of Experimental Ambience Developed By Germanexperimentalists Oval (among Others), Few Have Been Able To Matchtheir Knack For Making Abstract Cuts Into Pieces Of Undeniable Beauty. Janjelinek's First Lp As Gramm Is One Of The Precious Few, And It'sobvious From The Opener." (allmusic) "organized In Organic Structures And Minimal Movements, Thetracks Get Into Utopian States And Super-desirable Moods, Offering Superiorcontentedness And Dependable Taste Of The Kind Seldom Sustained For A Wholealbum. (...) Subway-escalator-soul." (spex)

Vessel Recordings line up US producer Jason Merle for the fourth instalment in his Vessel Recordings Group series, where across four tracks - including the nearly ten-minute opener 'I'll Be Gone', 'Sumthin Bout', 'The Nature of Love', and 'Actin Like' - we've deep, atmospheric textures and propulsive house momenta. Merle's signature approach to layered electronic production shines brightly here; B-sider 'The Nature Of Love' opts for deeply echoic, tunnelling sonic tribalisms, countering the A-side's shinier 4x4 allure.

Even in these most turbulent of times, dub musician and fatigued onlooker Elijah Minnelli remains an inexplicable stalwart on the lower rungs of the Breadminster County Council.

His latest record ‘Clams As A Main Meal’ continues his astute siphoning of council funds, this time with help from the Breadminster Board of Abstinence. As a further mark of respect, the original head of the Board, Dr. K'houldoux, graces the cover art in his infamous ‘Looming Moon of Desire’ guise.*

As fine a backdrop as any for Minneli’s off-brand dub experiments, and ‘Clams...’ is the truest representation of his varied wheelhouse yet...

We find vocal appearances from dub goliath Dennis Bovell and Welsh-language singer Carwyn Ellis. A pair of tracks which build on 2024’s acclaimed ‘Perpetual Musket’, a collection of folk songs reworked alongside reggae vocalists, released by FatCat Records. It garnered glowing reviews, with nods from The Guardian and The Quietus concluding with prominent appearances on their respective yearly round-up lists.

Elsewhere, the album finds Minnelli in a more experimental mode, all wheezing contraptions and cockeyed bass, creaking with the weight of creation, a satisfying tactility laid seam-side up.

As well as ‘Perpetual Musket’, the new album follows years of sold out 7" singles, handmade and self-released. Online, the tracks have amassed global streams numbering in the millions. His tracks have found play across an eclectic range of radio mixes and dance floors, most notably the likes of Andrew Weatherall, Batu, Optimo and Zakia Sewell (BBC6Music).

It is perhaps worth mentioning that this everbuilding interest in his work is at great odds with the growing suspicions amongst his fellow townsfolk, who see his Breadminster County Council Music Initiative as nothing more than an empty cash-grab.

Further Reading on the Breadminster Board of Abstinence

In the late 70s, Breadminster was awash with the last vestiges of the hippy era. Though the flared silhouette of the lower leg remained, the utopian ideals that had once flowed merrily around the youth's shaded ankles had begun to wane. LSD and free love had led to a sharp spike in population and a generation of children raised by air-headed psychonauts unprepared for the bleary-eyed strictures of parenthood.

Aware of the crisis, the County Council entrusted Dr. Paulinque K'houldoux to spearhead a pushback, and it was his pro-abstinence movement - a mixture of education initiatives and radical renutrition campaigns - that came to impact Breadminster's census deep into the new millennium.

Being a pseudo-archipelago Breadminster has fundamentally limited resources, however deep-seated ties to distant coastal villages meant that oysters were a regular part of the local diet. K'houldoux pinpointed this as a factor in the town's overpopulation, and believed that simply replacing these with clams (a “lesser mollusk”) would help lower the erotic urges of the people. It was his “anti-aphrodesia” movement that first championed the idea of “Clams As A Main Meal,” and the slogan “Consider Abstinence” carried the message yet further.

The Breadminster Board of Abstinence soon became involved in all cultural happenings in the area, with K'houldoux MCing at prominent festivals and performances, sometimes dressed as the “Looming Moon of Desire” - an idea of his relating to the tide, seafood, menstrual cycles, and his privately held celestial predilections.

It was in 1981 that it was revealed Dr. K'houldoux had never fully qualified as a doctor and was seeking exile in Breadminster due to a series of botched bracelet heists in which he had previously been involved. K'houldoux was subsequently extradited to Basingstoke, where he served 3 of a 12-year sentence, owing to the lunar-oriented prisoner health campaigns he helped implement.

It has been a strange twist of bureaucratic fate that the Breadminster Board of Abstinence has never stopped receiving public funding, despite its lack of clear utility. And while its roots are tied to a rose-tinted past, the Board continues to sponsor cultural events and projects to this day.

An extract from: Eugeniq Schooner's article in Sydney Parishioner: “Clams, Breadminster and Countercultural Abstinence Trends” (2008)