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DAVID MARTIJN - HOLY ROSITA (10")

DAVID MARTIJN

HOLY ROSITA (10")

10inchSON015
SONHOUSE RECORDS
01.05.2026

Rosita is a cheerful, well-liked woman with a fiery desire to have children. Those around her find it irresponsible because she can barely take care of herself. When Rosita does manage to become pregnant, she chooses to keep her pregnancy a secret.

David Martijn, guitarist and synth player in the electro-rock band GOOSE, wrote the music for the full-length album 'Holy Rosita'. His experience as a composer for projects such as 'De Dag', 'War of the Worlds', 'De Twaalf', and '1985' contributed to Martijn's desire to challenge himself again to come up with a fresh, distinctive sound, as he does with every project.

"My initial feeling was that I would have to step far out of my comfort zone to let the music tell this delicate story. I soon felt that the music needed to be light and open, in contrast to the uncertain and complex reality in which Rosita finds herself. Therefore, it seemed like a good plan to keep the score very close to Rosita and much less focused on her surroundings or reality. The music had to be, as it were, a reflection of the thoughts and feelings playing out in Rosita's mind. That is often hopeful, determined, lively, sometimes a bit naive, and at other times very lonely, sad, and uncertain." - David Martijn

pre-order now01.05.2026

expected to be published on 01.05.2026

22,65
Various - ROOMIES 2 LP

Various

ROOMIES 2 LP

12inchSON021
SONHOUSE RECORDS
01.05.2026
 
8

The second season of the funny and heartfelt fiction series by Flo Van Deuren and Kato De Boeck takes us along as Bibi and Ama move on to the next chapter of their lives and into their new, unexpected home: an old daycare building. With school no longer providing structure and their wallets running on empty, they dive headfirst into adulthood.

This results in eight new episodes that, like the main characters, have grown up, yet remain just as hilarious and moving as ever.

With the second season of Roomies, the show’s award-winning music makes its return. This time with a powerful soundtrack featuring Eefje de Visser, Ategha (Ahlaam Teghadouini) & Mickael Karkousse (Goose), Maria Iskariot, and Porcelain ID.

“(Tijdbom) Tikkend” is a dark, electronic track that feels like a constant run: sometimes away from the other, sometimes right toward them. It captures the feeling of running out of time, losing each other, and wanting to reconnect. That push-and-pull dynamic felt like a perfect fit for Roomies, where relationships, drama, and fun are always intertwined. - Eefje de Visser

“Whatever Happens” came together in a very organic way, and you can hear that in the track. Raw, genuine, and effortless. What’s unique is that we hadn’t even met until a few days before. Ahlaam walked into the studio and said, “I’ve prepared something.” That opening line alone was fantastic and immediately showed confidence and courage. “Perfect,” I thought. Then we turned the volume up to maximum, and I listened as Ahlaam sang right by my ear. Instant goosebumps! - Mickael Karkousse

pre-order now01.05.2026

expected to be published on 01.05.2026

22,65
The Upsessions & Monty Neysmith - Sheriff Double Gun LP
  • 01: Sheriff Double Gun
  • 02: Little Bonny Revolver
  • 03: Hot Like Scorcher
  • 04: Calamity Jane
  • 05: Fat Coyote
  • 06: Train To Calamity
  • 07: Mary Jane
  • 08: Bad Cow Thief
  • 09: Crimes Of Passion
  • 10: Chickenbody Dandy
  • 11: Nothing In The Coffin
  • 12: No Law In Deadwood
  • 13: Apache

This album features reggae legend Monty Neysmith: co-founder and composer for Symarip. The Symarip debut album is one of the best-selling albums on Trojan Records.

Songs by Monty Neysmith have been covered by Bad Manners, Judge Dread and The Specials, among others.

The Upsessions will promote the album by touring all over Europe with The Pioneers.

pre-order now01.05.2026

expected to be published on 01.05.2026

21,81
Poison Idea - Record Collectors Are STILL Pretentious Assholes (LP)

The classic Portland punk of POISON IDEA still destroys. This sophomore release from the band captures a POISON IDEA that’s matured from the straight beatdown thrash of Pick Your King and is in the process of turning into the polished unit that would produce Kings of Punk, and it rules. This is what you’ve been waiting for. This band deals out the goods with frenetic, hammering madness and rabid intensity thrash-style compositions. This reissue pairs the original eight tracks from the EP with five more from the "Drinking is Great" and "Cleanse the Bacteria" compilations, including a cover of the STOOGES “I Got a Right,” and its humblebrag cover artwork remains intact

pre-order now01.05.2026

expected to be published on 01.05.2026

25,63
Disorder - Make Bristol Shit Again LP

Recorded Live at the Fleece, Bristol 17/4/2025 and featuring the return of original singer Boobs. Disorder are an English street punk band that formed in the Bristol area of England in 1980, and has existed with varying line-ups. They are aligned with politically charged punk bands. Disorder were part of the "protest punk" movement, and were one of the bands that spearheaded the Bristol punk scene in the early 1980s. The BBC DJ John Peel described their early singles as sounding like Triumph Bonneville motorbikes.

pre-order now01.05.2026

expected to be published on 01.05.2026

25,63
Paisley Fields - Are U Mad At Me LP

Are U Mad At Me marks a huge, cowboy boot-wearing step for the Brooklyn-based songwriter. Fields proves that genre is as fluid as sexuality, as the album saunters across country, pop, disco, grunge, and classical with ease. Across 12 tracks, Fields traverses bangers like power pop lead single “Party Girl” and two-stepping second single “Hands Off The Hat” (co-written with Grammy award-winning songwriter Melody Walker) all the way to tragic ballads like “Apalachicola to Tallahassee” (co-written with Karen Pittelman of Karen & The Sorrows) and the closing “Uncle Charlie’s.” He makes light of gender-neutral bathrooms marked with unicorns instead of stick figures in the guitar-driven “Pronoun Meltdown” and calls out a husband cheating on his wife with another man in the tragicomic ballad of “You Should Tell Your Wife.”

Are U Mad At Me arrives at a pivotal time in the roots music scene and the world at large. Fields, who is now rapidly becoming one of New York City’s queer country leaders — through his East Village residency at Lucinda Williams’ new honky tonk and dive bar and through his musical mentorship work through The Recording Academy — has been working tirelessly for this moment for more than a decade. Performing under this moniker since 2013, Fields has released three LPs and two EPs. He’s recorded on queer country pioneers Lavender Country’s 2022 reunion album, Blackberry Rose, and served as the band’s touring pianist. Additionally, his 2023 protest song duet with Mya Byrne, “Burn This Statehouse Down,” made it onto NPR music critic Ann Powers’ list of favorite songs of the year.

pre-order now01.05.2026

expected to be published on 01.05.2026

25,42
Ulver - Neverland LP

Ulver

Neverland LP

12inchLPLABEL038C
SPKR Media
01.05.2026

""Neverland", the fourteenth studio album by ULVER is the sound of an escape. A journey into undiscovered lands.

Following three albums – "The Assassination of Julius Caesar" (2017), "Flowers of Evil" (2020), and "Liminal Animals" (2024) – rooted in more traditional song and production structures, "Neverland" marks a new chapter in the revered Oslo band's history.

"With 'Neverland' we embraced a more 'punk' spirit – more dreaming, less discipline – freer, quite simply", the band comments on the creative process behind the album.

Bursts of daybreak synths and whooshes of sound set the atmosphere, before the wolves start digging into the dynamics of ambient calm and anarchic mysticism. Dreamy and transportive textures develop into trippy percussive energies, and as the album unfolds, a lush and vibrant, and at times exotic space opens.

Apart from a few recurring distant voices and vocal chops, "Neverland" is a largely instrumental record, reminiscent of the mood and structure of that place where late '90s IDM sounds met the meandering structures of post-rock.

The ghost of premillennial sample culture surely haunts "Neverland", and some might even hear echoes from earlier acclaimed works like "Perdition City" (2000), or the "Silence" EPs (2001), or more recently "ATGCLVLSSCAP" (2016).

Still, "Neverland" sounds and feels like something else, something fresh in ULVER's continuous journey of perennial reinvention. Pop music from in-between worlds? A sonic hallucination? Or better: a collage of dreams. It's up to you."

pre-order now01.05.2026

expected to be published on 01.05.2026

34,03
Florence Dore - Hold The Spark (LP)

Nashville-born, Chapel Hill-based Florence Dore returns w/ *Hold the Spark*, her most confident & compelling album yet. Blending sharp storytelling in the tradition of James McMurtry w/ a melodic sensibility often compared to Lucinda Williams, Dore delivers songs that are tender, funny, and deeply human. Produced by Don Dixon (R.E.M.) and backed by a stellar Americana cast, the album moves effortlessly from intimate reflections to full-throttle rock, all anchored by Dore’s rich, emotional voice. On Limited Edition Neon Jazzberry Colored Vinyl

pre-order now01.05.2026

expected to be published on 01.05.2026

27,10
Tomu DJ - antagonist LP

Critically acclaimed American producer Tomu DJ (Pitchfork, Dazed, NPR++) debuts on sound as language with her fourth album, 'antagonist.' Recorded in the artist’s Oakland, California home throughout 2025 using only a digital piano, her intention for the album was to “free myself from conventional notions of electronic music”. This is perhaps seen clearly on standout tracks “loose interpretation” and “careful deliberation”, which in their cinematic splendor evoke the beauty and thoughtfulness of classical music. Even so, 'antagonist' is “not intended to be like classical music, rather a stream of consciousness akin to spoken word poetry”. It is easy to see what she means on tracks like “antagonist” and “dance” which weave familiar elements into personal narratives of loneliness, perseverance and redemption. Despite its specific sonic palette, 'antagonist' fits right in with Tomu DJ’s discography, continuing to build on the musical ecosystem she has thoughtfully tended to over the course of the last decade.

pre-order now01.05.2026

expected to be published on 01.05.2026

24,16
Population II - Gimmicks LP

Population II

Gimmicks LP

12inchLPBONEP041C
Bonsound
01.05.2026

After releasing their third album, Maintenant Jamais, and touring in Europe, the United States, Canada, and Mexico in 2025, Population II now announces Gimmicks, a new synthedelic rock EP.
Blending vocal and instrumental tracks, Gimmicks is a companion piece to the Montreal band's latest full-length. It's an extension of the electronic sounds we explored on Maintenant Jamais, with tracks like “13 1 3 1” and “Poudreuse Blues, explains Pierre-Luc Gratton. Even though we added upright piano and fuzz bass to some of the songs, our number one rule for this project was: keyboards and synthesizers, first and foremost! This is why they decided to ditch the guitar completely on these new songs, once again demonstrating the extent of their versatility.
Rhythm-wise, the use of a drum machine allowed the musicians to push their own boundaries and take this exercise in style to a higher level. It made us rethink our rhythmic habits and add bursts of intensity by experimenting with timbres and sound dynamics. The result is an EP at times unsettling, at times dreamy, but perfectly calibrated, where constraint gives way to ingenuity, freedom, and friendship. Although prog and krautrock fans will recognize the influence of Syrinx, Tangerine Dream, and Cluster, Gimmicks is, above all, the affirmation of a band capable of looking back to move forward.

pre-order now01.05.2026

expected to be published on 01.05.2026

26,85
Emily Nenni - Movin' Shoes LP

Emily Nenni

Movin' Shoes LP

12inch607396593217
New West Records
01.05.2026
also available

GOLD VINYL[27,10 €]


Whenever Emily Nenni is onstage, she welcomes everybody to the dancefloor. The California-born, Nashville-based singer-songwriter wants the honkytonk to be a place of escape, where fans can shed their troubles for a few hours and feel safe and free. “I’m always watching the dancefloor and making sure everybody’s being respectful.” Or, as she sings on the supremely funky title track to her new album Movin’ Shoes, “Here’s where you dress for you and dance the way that you want to.”

Movin’ Shoes is an album about how we treat each other and how we treat ourselves. Confident in its touchstones and compassionate in its insights, Movin’ Shoes eloquently and wryly blends southern soul from Memphis and Muscle Shoals with southern rock from Macon and outlaw country from Austin. Making Movin’ Shoes was a process of discovery for Nenni. Musically she found all new ways to combine the disparate artists she loves so much, and lyrically she found all new ways to relate to herself and to others. “We should at all times acknowledge and accept the fact that we’re imperfect people,” she explains. “We all make mistakes and we should all rethink the way we go about things. I am flawed. Everyone around me is flawed. But that’s not a bad thing. It just means we’re all human. This album is about making mistakes and learning from them. I’m always trying to put that into my songs.”

pre-order now01.05.2026

expected to be published on 01.05.2026

27,10
Emily Nenni - Movin' Shoes LP
also available

Black Vinyl[27,10 €]


Whenever Emily Nenni is onstage, she welcomes everybody to the dancefloor. The California-born, Nashville-based singer-songwriter wants the honkytonk to be a place of escape, where fans can shed their troubles for a few hours and feel safe and free. “I’m always watching the dancefloor and making sure everybody’s being respectful.” Or, as she sings on the supremely funky title track to her new album Movin’ Shoes, “Here’s where you dress for you and dance the way that you want to.”

Movin’ Shoes is an album about how we treat each other and how we treat ourselves. Confident in its touchstones and compassionate in its insights, Movin’ Shoes eloquently and wryly blends southern soul from Memphis and Muscle Shoals with southern rock from Macon and outlaw country from Austin. Making Movin’ Shoes was a process of discovery for Nenni. Musically she found all new ways to combine the disparate artists she loves so much, and lyrically she found all new ways to relate to herself and to others. “We should at all times acknowledge and accept the fact that we’re imperfect people,” she explains. “We all make mistakes and we should all rethink the way we go about things. I am flawed. Everyone around me is flawed. But that’s not a bad thing. It just means we’re all human. This album is about making mistakes and learning from them. I’m always trying to put that into my songs.”

pre-order now01.05.2026

expected to be published on 01.05.2026

27,10
THE NAIF - Road To Meditation EP

THE NAIF

Road To Meditation EP

12inchVBRPDD001
Vibraphone Records
30.04.2026out soon

THE NAIF aka Nicola Facchineri creates ROAD TO MEDITATION EP, an instinctive project inspired by the historic Vibraphone Records label.

The mission of THE NAIF is to create primarily authentic music, in order to suggest differentiation from multiple perspectives both for DJs and for listeners.

Exclusively on this 12‘ release, the track “Huge Garden“ is also released in a clean mix.
Artwork by Vibraphone Records.

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13,82
Matmatah - L'Embardée LP 2x12"

Matmatah

L'Embardée LP 2x12"

2x12inchLOP2633004
Upton Park
30.04.2026
  • 1: Pour Moi La Vie Va Commencer
  • 2: Cancion De Jinete
  • 3: Tombé Pour La France
  • 4: Love Will Tear Us Apart (L'amour Nous Séparera)
  • 5: Miss Maggie
  • 6: Eisbär (Feat. Fanny Gillard)
  • 7: Gimme Some Truth
  • 8: Anne, Ma Sœur Anne
  • 9: Goldfinger
  • 10: O Que Faz Falta
  • 11: Ar Miliner (Feat. Patrick Marie)
  • 12: La Pulce D'acqua
  • 13: Putain Putain
  • 14: Boys Don't Cry
  • 15: Sweet Amanite Phalloïde Queen
  • 16: Alison Gross (Feat. Morgane Mercier)
  • 17: Lisa
  • 18: Oh Madeleine
  • 19: The Winner Takes It All
  • 20: Qu'est-Ce Que Sera Demain

After months of working exclusively on his own repertoire, Matmatah is slowly recovering from his 30th birthday by returning to his first love: covering other people’s songs !
Because Matmatah comes from there, from the steamy atmosphere of bars and clubs.
Back in the day, they played loads of covers. Oh yes, they certainly did.
So why not put a few of them together on an album?
It’s a must, isn’t it?
Except that… There are many ways to record an album of covers.
The band could have taken the easy route and covered the songs they loved in their early days. But that would be to misunderstand these lads. They needed to come up with a proper concept to justify such a project.
They came up with two:
To tackle styles that are diametrically opposed to their own, so they could better make them their own.
To broaden their linguistic repertoire and experiment with different sounds.
The result is a rich, joyful and socially conscious collection of 20 songs, written between the 18th and 21st centuries and performed in no fewer than 10 European languages. A fine tribute to the continent’s diversity.
To spice up this project, they’ve brought in the whirlwind that is Fanny Gillard on vocals for ‘Eisbär’ and ‘Putain Putain’, the powerful voice of Morgane Mercier on the eerie ‘Alison Gross’, mentor Patrick Marie for a space-age ‘Kan Ha Diskan’, and the immense Kevin Camus on the uilleann pipes and whistle for ‘The Winner Takes It All’.
Matmatah takes a wild ride, travelling across Europe and through time, having fun and cheekily reworking songs he never imagined he’d play.
Find the lynx!

pre-order now30.04.2026

expected to be published on 30.04.2026

27,31
Emma Dayhuff - Innovations & Lineage : The Chicago Project

Dr. Emma Dayhuff explores the depths of her musical experience that developed from her time in Chicago studying with the many gifted musicians of the city. This Live recording features her musical comrades switching effortlessly from Avant-Garde, Blues, and Modal styles.
A powerful line up featuring Kahil El'Zabar on Drums, Percussion, and Vocal chants, The incomparable Dee Alexander swaying on Vocals and The gift virtuoso Isaiah Collier on Tenor Sax and Piano. Led by Dr. Emma Dayhuff on Bass and several original compositions. The recording reflects the deep connection shared amongst the musicians, that was developed over years of experiment, trust, and growth.

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19,29
Emanuele Barilli / Scott Andrews - Dialogues Vol.1 EP

Inner Balance kicks off a new series of split EPs under the rubric ‘Dialogues’, featuring two adept
producers from Italy and the UK. On the A, Emanuele Barilli brings summery house grooves on
‘Roots’ and ‘Unknown Na’, drawing on the tried and tested deep house templates of Charles
Webster and catapulting them into today’s dancefloor. Transverse Recordings founder Scott
Andrews takes care of the flip with classy jazzy house in the vein of vintage Larry Heard on
‘Willerminstral’, before the refined, loopy minimal house of ‘Renegade’ closes things out. It’s yet
another well-rounded EP in the superlative Inner Balance catalogue, ready to lift dancers to a higher
plane.

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14,71
Ghia - Tender Rain LP

Ghia

Tender Rain LP

12inchEDGE-043
The Outer Edge
30.04.2026

Call it soulful dream pop, proto-trip hop or downtempo jazz - "Tender Rain" is the follow-up LP to the successful "This Is" album and continues to deliver Ghia's unmistakable sonic magic. On this release, the band shares a selection of previously unreleased vocal songs alongside instrumental pieces, all carried by their trademark chilled and almost meditative atmosphere. Most of the recordings date from the early 1990s, while early demo versions of "New Love" and "Teardrops in Your Eyes" may reach back as far as the late 1980s.

The album opens with the title track "Tender Rain," where smooth vocal jazz harmonies merge effortlessly with soulful pop elements. The track originally appeared only on CD in 1993 on the small Mikado label run by renowned German guitarist Ulli Bögershausen. The band recalls that the piece was first pre-recorded using MIDI equipment and a Tascam 16-track recorder before being completed in the studio with drums by legendary drummer Mickie Stickdorn (Carsten Bohn's Bandstand, Cyklus, Elephant, Lake), percussion by Corinna Ludzuweit, and the final touch-Lisa Ohm's remarkable vocals.

At the time, Mikado was also looking for instrumental material for radio and synchronization use. They selected the track "Tropfstein" for a sampler CD and requested more pieces. In response, "und recken ihre schlanken Glieder" (roughly translated as "and stretching their slender limbs") was composed especially for the project, as Frank Simon remembers. Both tracks appeared on the now rare Mikado sampler CD under the alias z. Zt., short for "zur Zeit" ("at present" or "these days").

Several further pieces in a similar vein were created during this period, including the previously unissued "Auf unserm grünen Sofa," "Reise bei Nacht," and "Was ich Dir noch sagen wollte." These tracks are beautifully crafted downtempo pieces featuring smooth, jazzy piano lines combined with touches of ambient and New Age aesthetics. "Auf unserm grünen Sofa" stands out in particular and will likely resonate with all downtempo enthusiasts. Lutz Boberg recalls that many of these recordings were captured during a single afternoon in the studio, fueled by spontaneous ideas and creative momentum.

On tracks such as "Teardrops in Your Eyes," "New Love," and the haunting Dark Spirits Mix of Ghia's song "What's Your Voodoo?", singer Lisa Ohm delivers soulful pop performances with her clear and captivating voice. "Change Your Sex," the third track previously featured on the Mikado sampler, leans more toward late-1980s funk and was aimed at radio and DJs at the time. Its subject matter was relatively daring for the period, telling the story of someone contemplating a change of sex "to get rid of the troubles."

Together with "This Is" and "Curacao Blue", "Tender Rain" forms another essential chapter in the rediscovery of the band's work. More than thirty years after their creation, these recordings still sound strikingly fresh, reflecting a unique style that in many ways anticipated the rise of trip-hop in the early to mid-1990s.

pre-order now30.04.2026

expected to be published on 30.04.2026

21,81
TETE MBAMBISA - DID YOU TELL YOUR MOTHER

Released in 1979, Tete Mbambisa's Did You Tell Your Mother delivers the ultimate blend of African groove with American modal grace, making it one of the all-time classic albums of South African jazz. With Mbambisa presenting original compositions at the piano alongside Basil "Mannenberg" Coetzee on tenor sax and flute, the acoustic quartet featured here is rounded out by Zulu Bidi from the band Batsumi on bass locking in with Dollar Brand drummer Monty Weber. This 2026 reissue presents a flat transfer of the master tapes with album artwork restored using illustrator Hargreaves Ntukwana's original ink drawing.

A self-taught musician, it was as leader of the vocal group The Four Yanks in the early 1960s that Tete Mbambisa’s music career took off. With encouragement from Abdullah Ibrahim, he dedicated himself to the piano and went on to record with The Soul Jazzmen in 1969. Mbambisa's solo recordings from the 1970s, produced by Rashid Vally for the independent As-Shams/The Sun record label, document his creative peak as a recording artist and have contributed to earning him an honorary doctorate and a place among the figureheads of South African jazz history.

pre-order now30.04.2026

expected to be published on 30.04.2026

22,06
Lil Mark & Jason Hodges - Wait LP

Lil Mark & Jason Hodges

Wait LP

12inchSALON022
Salon Records
30.04.2026

Salon Records is proud to welcome Lil Mark & Jason Hodges for the single Wait. Pure house anthem with a strong focus on groove and funky drums declined also in an instrumental version. Stuttgart based producer Anneke Laurent, known for his production with Markus Schatz under Neverm!nd, delivers a classy deep house version of Wait, while Moritz Piske & Antislash, long label buddies joined their forces to produce a badass remix, slightly more funky, minimal and full of off beat humour.

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12,40

Last In: 3 days ago
Elijah Minnelli - Clams As A Main Meal

Even in these most turbulent of times, dub musician and fatigued onlooker Elijah Minnelli remains an inexplicable stalwart on the lower rungs of the Breadminster County Council.

His latest record ‘Clams As A Main Meal’ continues his astute siphoning of council funds, this time with help from the Breadminster Board of Abstinence. As a further mark of respect, the original head of the Board, Dr. K'houldoux, graces the cover art in his infamous ‘Looming Moon of Desire’ guise.*

As fine a backdrop as any for Minneli’s off-brand dub experiments, and ‘Clams...’ is the truest representation of his varied wheelhouse yet...

We find vocal appearances from dub goliath Dennis Bovell and Welsh-language singer Carwyn Ellis. A pair of tracks which build on 2024’s acclaimed ‘Perpetual Musket’, a collection of folk songs reworked alongside reggae vocalists, released by FatCat Records. It garnered glowing reviews, with nods from The Guardian and The Quietus concluding with prominent appearances on their respective yearly round-up lists.

Elsewhere, the album finds Minnelli in a more experimental mode, all wheezing contraptions and cockeyed bass, creaking with the weight of creation, a satisfying tactility laid seam-side up.

As well as ‘Perpetual Musket’, the new album follows years of sold out 7" singles, handmade and self-released. Online, the tracks have amassed global streams numbering in the millions. His tracks have found play across an eclectic range of radio mixes and dance floors, most notably the likes of Andrew Weatherall, Batu, Optimo and Zakia Sewell (BBC6Music).

It is perhaps worth mentioning that this everbuilding interest in his work is at great odds with the growing suspicions amongst his fellow townsfolk, who see his Breadminster County Council Music Initiative as nothing more than an empty cash-grab.

Further Reading on the Breadminster Board of Abstinence

In the late 70s, Breadminster was awash with the last vestiges of the hippy era. Though the flared silhouette of the lower leg remained, the utopian ideals that had once flowed merrily around the youth's shaded ankles had begun to wane. LSD and free love had led to a sharp spike in population and a generation of children raised by air-headed psychonauts unprepared for the bleary-eyed strictures of parenthood.

Aware of the crisis, the County Council entrusted Dr. Paulinque K'houldoux to spearhead a pushback, and it was his pro-abstinence movement - a mixture of education initiatives and radical renutrition campaigns - that came to impact Breadminster's census deep into the new millennium.

Being a pseudo-archipelago Breadminster has fundamentally limited resources, however deep-seated ties to distant coastal villages meant that oysters were a regular part of the local diet. K'houldoux pinpointed this as a factor in the town's overpopulation, and believed that simply replacing these with clams (a “lesser mollusk”) would help lower the erotic urges of the people. It was his “anti-aphrodesia” movement that first championed the idea of “Clams As A Main Meal,” and the slogan “Consider Abstinence” carried the message yet further.

The Breadminster Board of Abstinence soon became involved in all cultural happenings in the area, with K'houldoux MCing at prominent festivals and performances, sometimes dressed as the “Looming Moon of Desire” - an idea of his relating to the tide, seafood, menstrual cycles, and his privately held celestial predilections.

It was in 1981 that it was revealed Dr. K'houldoux had never fully qualified as a doctor and was seeking exile in Breadminster due to a series of botched bracelet heists in which he had previously been involved. K'houldoux was subsequently extradited to Basingstoke, where he served 3 of a 12-year sentence, owing to the lunar-oriented prisoner health campaigns he helped implement.

It has been a strange twist of bureaucratic fate that the Breadminster Board of Abstinence has never stopped receiving public funding, despite its lack of clear utility. And while its roots are tied to a rose-tinted past, the Board continues to sponsor cultural events and projects to this day.

An extract from: Eugeniq Schooner's article in Sydney Parishioner: “Clams, Breadminster and Countercultural Abstinence Trends” (2008)

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24,16

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